A Legionary in the making?

So cute!

Via American Papist

If the Catholic Church was a programming language

For Cassie and our other computing Legionaries, from the Curt Jester:

I found this list via Slashdot and here is a sample.

C would be Judaism - it's old and restrictive, but most of the world is familiar with its laws and respects them. The catch is, you can't convert into it - you're either into it from the start, or you will think that it's insanity. Also, when things go wrong, many people are willing to blame the problems of the world on it.

Java would be Fundamentalist Christianity - it's theoretically based on C, but it voids so many of the old laws that it doesn't feel like the original at all. Instead, it adds its own set of rigid rules, which its followers believe to be far superior to the original. Not only are they certain that it's the best language in the world, but they're willing to burn those who disagree at the stake.

PHP would be Cafeteria Christianity - Fights with Java for the web market. It draws a few concepts from C and Java, but only those that it really likes. Maybe it's not as coherent as other languages, but at least it leaves you with much more freedom and ostensibly keeps the core idea of the whole thing. Also, the whole concept of "goto hell" was abandoned.

C++ would be Islam - It takes C and not only keeps all its laws, but adds a very complex new set of laws on top of it. It's so versatile that it can be used to be the foundation of anything, from great atrocities to beautiful works of art. Its followers are convinced that it is the ultimate universal language, and may be angered by those who disagree. Also, if you insult it or its founder, you'll probably be threatened with death by more radical followers.

C# would be Mormonism - At first glance, it's the same as Java, but at a closer look you realize that it's controlled by a single corporation (which many Java followers believe to be evil), and that many theological concepts are quite different. You suspect that it'd probably be nice, if only all the followers of Java wouldn't discriminate so much against you for following it.

Perl would be Voodoo - An incomprehensible series of arcane incantations that involve the blood of goats and permanently corrupt your soul. Often used when your boss requires you to do an urgent task at 21:00 on Friday night.

Fairly funny list, though Perl was written by a Christian and taken from a biblical reference to the "Pearl of great price" so Voodoo isn't quite fair.

Strangely though their was no language referenced for the Catholic Church. I guess it would be pretty hard to link the Church to one specific language. As someone who writes code for a living this question though is write up my alley. Besides the episcopal jurisdiction of the Bishop of Rome is the head of the Holy C.

At first thought I would think Pascal could be it since it is named after French mathematician and philosopher Blaise Pascal who was certainly a believing Catholic who wrote the great theological work the Pensées. Pacal has strong typing and I do like a dogmatically typed language where an object stays that type of object without explicit conversion. Begin and end keywords reminds me of the Alpha and Omega. Pascal just does not go far enough to resemble the Church.

Now a programming language that reflected the Catholic Church would be a cross between Basic and machine language. Basic gives it the James Joyce 'here comes everybody' aspect and machine language would give it the direct access to God that we have through the Eucharist. The Catholic Church can nourish anybody from the humblest peasant to the most brilliant theologian. Like most languages an interpreter is required for compiled code. In computing if you don't have a valid interpreter/compiler the code you write will end up either doing nothing or not what you intended. The teaching magisterium of the Church gives us that interpreter in real life. A good interpreter/compiler also has lots of error checking. On our own we are often prone to errors and so being informed of our errors is to our good to ensure that we write valid code. Often we think we are writing valid code only to find that when we go to build it something is not exactly right. You can't just tell the interpreter/compiler you are sorry for writing bad code, you have to repent of your coding error and fix it.

Now what would we call a programming language similar to the Catholic Church? How about C†† (pronounced C Cross Cross). Like St. Paul the Church teaches Christ crucified and the cross is never missing from our lives. The C of course stands for Catholic and the universal binary that the code produces. The universal binary is of course accessible by all operating systems. Though while we see the good that is common to many programming languages we hope that all will come to accept the fullness of C††. As programmers we don't want to be triumphalists, but to help to spread the good code to every nation.

The basics of the language C†† would be fixed. Though interfaces can be later added on that help to access the underlying language. The code structures would be based both on apostolic programming tradition and the reference book. The compiler also known as the magisterium would rely on the CDF (Coding for the Doctrine of the Flow) to ensure wayward code was corrected and brought back into fullness of the code specification. When bad code is detected the compiler would throw an anathema.

C†† would certainly be strongly typed. An object created yesterday or even a thousand years ago would remain exactly the same object today. Though this does not mean that we can not understand an object more deeply over time, only that an integer value will not become a string just because it is currently fashionable in the culture for this to be true. What is set to a state of true today remains true tomorrow. For example this is how you would set a true and a false value in C††.

boolean item = dogma;
boolean item2 = heresy;

Other keywords include Fashion (which can hold any value, but is not used for anything serious), Absolute (which holds one constant value that never changes), Discipline (value can change over time based on a prudential decision), Hierarchy (An ordered data structure).

Multiple coding styles known as rites can be used to write the code. These rites though will all compile to exactly the same code whether using an Eastern or Western style. Some traditional programmers prefer to only program in Latin, but you can choose a vernacular language as long as you don't use and edition approved by ICEL in the seventies which does not give the full nuances of the keywords.

The reference for C†† would be maintained by the Vaticode. The head programmer/maintainer at the Vaticode is called His Geekiness and he has final say on the language definition and its interpretation. The Vicar of Code is infallible only when speaking on code and compilers. The Nerds in union with His Geekiness are the authentic teachers of the language. New definitions can be added to the language that conform to the reference and apostolic programmers. Sometimes a movement among programmers (geekus fidelum) can lead to the Vaticode adding a new definition.

Here is a sample "Hello World" program in C††

faith()
{
works()
{
print("Let there be light");
}
}

After all "Let there be light" was the original Hello World program by the Divine Programmer. Every C†† requires a "faith" method which is the main entry point to the program. Remember faith() without works() and your code is dead.

If only there was a programming language like the Catholic Church. Right now there are so many denominations of programming languages that keep splitting. Like C+ going into schism from C and then C++ going into schism from C+. I pray that there be but one language.

Why we should have more chant in the liturgy? :p

Haha...something as mundane as the weather forecast or the highway code actually sound important when chanted :p

Ite, missa est...and funny Cardinal Arinze

The Vatican newspaper, L'Osservatore Romano, published an interview Oct. 17 with Cardinal Arinze, head of the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Sacraments.

He said along with "Ite, missa est," the Latin phrase now translated as "The Mass is ended, go in peace," the new options are:

-- "Ite ad Evangelium Domini annuntiandum" (Go and announce the Gospel of the Lord).

-- "Ite in pace, glorificando vita vestra Dominum" (Go in peace, glorifying the Lord by your life).

-- "Ite in pace" (Go in peace).

The idea for alternative words at the end of Mass was raised at the 2005 Synod of Bishops on the Eucharist. Many bishops wanted the final words to reflect a more explicit connection between Mass and the church's mission of evangelization in the world.

Now the next line is just classic:

Cardinal Arinze said the concern was that, for many Catholics, the present words of dismissal sounded like "The Mass is ended, go and rest."

Read the full article >>

The Church is not Wal-Mart

By Fr. Philip Powell:

I had a much longer piece, but I scrapped it for something a lot shorter and more to the point.

1). The Roman Catholic Church isn't WalMart or Burger King; it's the Body of Christ.

2). Catholic priests, nuns, sisters/brothers and laity aren't employees; we are members of the Body of Christ.

3). The doctrine and dogma of the Catholic Church are not consumer products that the Church's employees sell to those who want them; Catholic doctrine and dogma express the unchanging truth of the faith.

4). Life in a Catholic parish is not a trip to Disney Land or Target or McDonald's where your consumer needs and whims are catered to by the whimpering clergy and lay staff; parish life is the life of Christ for the local Catholic family.

5). You do not come into the Catholic Church b/c you like the building better than you like the Methodist chapel; or because the priest at the Catholic parish is cuter than the Baptist preacher; or because you heard that the homilies are shorter at St. Bubba's by the Lake than they are at the Unitarian Church. You come into the Catholic Church because you believe that the Catholic faith is the truth of the gospel taught by Christ himself and given to his apostles.

6). Leaving the Catholic Church because a priest was mean to you, or because sister whacked you with a ruler, or because the church secretary looked at you funny is as stupid as giving up on the truths of math because you hate your high school algebra teacher. Why would anyone let a crazy priest or a cranky nun or anyone else for the matter drive you out of the faith you believe is true? My only conclusion: you never thought it was true to begin with; or, you have a favorite sin the Church teaches against and crazy priests and cranky nuns is as good an excuse as any to leave and pursue your sin all the while feeling justified b/c Father and/or Sister are such jerks.

7). Anyone who comes in the Catholic Church thinking that they will find clouds of angels at Mass dressed as parishioners; hordes of perfect saints kneeling for communion; seminaries packed with angelic young men burning to be priests; a parish hall stacked to the ceiling with morally pure people eager to serve; and a priest without flaw or blemish, well, you're cracked and you probably need to go back and try again. Telling Catholics that they aren't perfect makes as much sense as telling fish they're wet. We know already. Move on.

8). Of the hundreds of priests and religious I know, I know two who could count as saints right now. The rest of us are deeply flawed, impure, struggling creatures who know all too well that we fail utterly to meet the basic standards of holiness. For that matter: so do you. Get in line.

9). The Catholic Church owes no one a revision of her doctrine or dogma. She didn't change to save most of Europe from becoming Protestant, why would you imagine that she would change just to get you in one of her parishes?

10). If you want to become Catholic, do it. But do it because you think the Church teaches the true faith. If a cranky priest on a blogsite is enough to keep you from embracing the truth of the faith, then two things are painfully clear: 1) you do not believe the Church teaches the faith; 2) and you care more about expresssing your hurt consumer feelings than you do for your immortal soul.

HEROES

Curt Jester :)

Coming to you on EWTN!

Our brand new show is a story of clergy and laity with extraordinary liturgical abilities who fight against the various liturgical catastrophes around the world. Our liturgical heroes do not have superhuman abilities, but follow the supernatural inspirations of grace in the reform of the reform.

Our heroes include Pope Benedict XVI, Cardinal Pell, Cardinal Hoyos, Cardinal "do-it-yourself liturgy is over" Arinze, Monsignor Marini, Father "Slavishly accurate liturgical translations" Z, Father Fessio S.J., Helen Hull Hitchcock, Jimmy Akin, Colin Donavan, Shawn Tribe and a cast of thousands dedicated to protecting and enriching the liturgy.

Each week our heroes fight against villains that do no simply rollover at the mention of the GIRM. A good action show requires capable villains that you love to hate and you won't be disappointed by villains such as Bishop Fishperson and his hordes of liturgist minions such as Syler the liturgist who has the power to suck the beauty out of anything he touches. Though this is actually a common power to most liturgists who suck the liturgy dry of beauty in the name of relevance. Each week you will be sitting on the edge as you wonder will the heroes defeat the plans of Fr. Richard S. Vosko in his latest wreckovation scheme or whether a clown Mass will go on as scheduled.

So whether our heroes are fighting to protect against attempts to quash the Extraordinary Form of the Mass or ensuring that the Ordinary Form of the Mass is celebrated as it was intended you will stand up and cheer as our heroes go up against the worst of liturgical villains each week.

"Heroes" is an epic drama that chronicles the lives of those protecting the liturgy and go beyond just griping and moaning about it. This is must see TV to save our litugy.

Revelation: Obama May Have Been a Fetus

In a stunning development that's left the political world shocked, accusations are surfacing from a blog called CMR that Presidential candidate Barack Obama may have at one time been a fetus.

Although Obama has consistently pushed a radical anti-fetus agenda throughout his political career, a revelation that he was actually a fetus at one time could sink his campaign among hard-core Democrats.

"The Democratic leadership does not like fetuses," said one high ranking source in the Democratic Party. "To find out this late in the game that Barack Obama may have been a fetus is very disturbing for a lot of us."

Some DNC officials are saying they feel "lied to."

Obama campaign spokespeople, however, are saying that no photographic evidence exists of Obama as a fetus. DNC spokesperson, Joe the spokesperson, said "the first pictures which exist of Sen. Obama are from when he was a child in Indonesia...I mean Hawaii."

One Obama aide did say that Obama may be willing to admit he was at one time a blob of tissue but nothing more at this time.

It is unclear that if indeed Obama was at one time a fetus, when he might have stopped being a fetus and became a human person worthy of rights but so far the Obama campaign has refused to specify a moment at what moment a fetus becomes a person.

"Well, according to Obama's abortion record I don't think he believes a fetus becomes a human until about kindergarten," said Joe the Pro-life activist. DNC spokespeople said nobody knows when a "fetus" becomes a person so it's safe just to make them all available for abortion just in case.
...
Some political experts said it would be like finding out Newt Gingrich, who has pushed for closing the border, was an illegal immigrant. Or the hypocrisy of Senator Larry Craig trumpeting family values.

John McCain said today it's not the fact that Obama was a fetus at one time but the hypocrisy of his anti-fetal stance that makes it relevant to this election.

I love it! Read the rest here

Joe the spokesman and Joe the pro-life activist are a parody of "Joe the plumber" that first Sen McCain and then Sen Obama referred to during the last debate.

The Church Militant?

http://blog.makezine.com/archive/2008/10/church_tank.html?CMP=OTC-0D6B48984890

Via the Curt Jester

Let the little ones come to me...

Here's yet another funny picture from AmericanPapist.com:

And here's a very nice video about The Catholic Vote:

We Catholics are VERY creative :p

Watch these!

Priceless!

Papa!

From the AmericanPapist.

If the Pope started his day with Starbucks...

Papist picture of the day

Here's some excellent humour from the AmericanPapist.

It's a photo of the Holy Father with Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi. Pope Benedict really looks like he's hypnotizing Berlusconi. Haha. Well, if that's what it takes to keep politicians pro-life...so be it :p

"You will not liberalize abortion laws."

"I... will not liberalize abortion laws."

Some cool posters from the CurtJester

Here's the link for the posters


This was the original link. Think it doesn't work. Click it to anyway. You'll see another bit of his wonderful Catholic humour :)
Check out the rest here